Oops!

Quite an outfit

New year, new everything

New location (back in the midwest). New baby (yet to come). Newfound freedom of not juggling being a nurse and student midwife and displaced family anymore...

The past months of clinicals were incredibly hard on everybody. Money was tight, quarters were very close, and we lived in an unfamiliar area with few people we knew (though those we did really stepped up as friends and support people--thanks, Maribeth!) My schedule was crazy, and my being on call close to 24/7 for births meant Matt was a full-time-plus parent and homemaker--a role he fulfilled brilliantly, but I know not effortlessly. I can never express how much his sacrifices and commitment mean to me. Having the opportunity to spend lots of time with Eden these days is something I cherish--but it's also something that makes me marvel more every day at how he managed to take care of this whirlwhind of nonstop energy and incessant demands, within the confines of a tiny cabin, with absolutely NO assistance from anyone, PLUS cook and clean and run errands--for many months on end. He's truly superhuman, and has given up so much in order for me to become a midwife, and I owe him more than I can ever say. We all felt the strain of being pulled in multiple directions, and the only thing more complicated than our life in Pennsylvania was the fact that every few weeks, we packed up and drove down to Virginia for me to work a stretch of nursing shifts. That meant unsettling the baby's routine, two long car rides, relying on the kindness of friends for a place to stay, and 14-hour days watching a crabby baby in unfamiliar surroundings (Matt) or pregnant and constantly on my feet at the hospital (me).

It's amazing now to think that that chapter of our lives--so intense at the time--is just over. It's also amazing to think of just how many people did step up to the plate to try to make our lives easier at that point--April, Pam, Tara and Mark, just to name a few. And of course, our families have been invaluable sources of support and have gone above and beyond in assisting us in our monumental move back across the country. We're thankful to everyone for their kindness and overwhelming generosity, and we're also thankful that another chapter of our lives is beginning.

We've now moved on to a new set of challenges and joys, which everyone is embracing. We're doing our best to keep up with old friendships, and slowly but surely we're starting to forge new. Eden is thriving with her grandparents so nearby, rather than depending solely on two stressed and harried parents for interaction and play. Matt and I have enjoyed the opportunity to reconnect with our siblings, to go to our first movie in over 18 months, and have more than the occasional conversation actually face to face with each other. The benefits of having family close by are even sweeter than we'd imagined, and we're also enjoying the opportunities to rediscover our favorite places in the area--and getting to know some new ones. I'm sure there will be bumps in the road along the way, but in the meantime, we're relishing some much-needed downtime together.

October update

It's been a long couple of weeks around here. We've temporarily relocated three times in the past two weeks (with one more final move to come next Tuesday), including for a stint of four back-to-back twelve hour shifts for me back in Reston, and that has started to take its toll on all of us--especially Eden. The past few days, she's gone from her usual happy-go-lucky self to a screaming bundle of frustration who has no tolerance for-- well, anything. We were about at the breaking point yesterday, and then suddenly today, she was back to her smiling, giggling self. The only thing I can think of to explain it is that in our desperation, we committed to getting back on track with very regular nap and bedtimes and also more primal eating (the throes of morning sickness sent me fleeing into the arms of carbohydrates, which is about all I felt like I could get down at times). Maybe it's just coincidence, but since she's already doing much better, we aren't going to argue!

Also taking its toll are things like living in an extremely small space together (though we just upgraded to a 2-bedroom cabin, which we're thrilled about--no more litterbox next to the dining room table, or peeing in a cup or frying pan rather than barge through the bedroom into the bathroom and wake the sleeping baby), having few of our belongings, my extremely erratic schedule and sometimes long hours, my fairly constant nausea/vomiting/exhaustion, and the fixedness of our budget, which means few treats or indulgences with which to blow off steam. On the other hand, I told Matt I feel a little like the Israelites complaining about always having to eat manna--back when we were praying hard for a good clinical site and an affordable place to live, we had no idea how closely our prayers would be answered. (He did point out that we're paying for our experience, rather than having it fall from the sky.) Still, it has its uncomfortable moments.

But, on the whole, we're having a pretty good time. Upgrading to a 2-bedroom has already made our living situation seem much less stressful. Eden being in a better mood today has put us in a better mood, too. And fall is coming to Lancaster County, which means cooler weather and gorgeous scenery. As you can see from the pictures below, we're managing to squeeze in some fun of various kinds.

Still, I know we're all anxious for the time when our lives will be a little more stable. When exactly that will be is another issue, since once I'm done here there are still the issues of moving back to the midwest (to yet another temporary living situation), welcoming another baby, starting up a small business, and figuring out countless other things about a brand-new life back in the midwest. However, we're thankful that we'll have lots of helping hands nearby while we feel our way and figure it out.

Reporting in from Beaver Creek...

We're settling into life in our two-room cabin, and it's going surprisingly smoothly. While we did have to pare down our belongings when we got here and send more than we'd anticipated back with my parents to our storage garage in Iowa, we've mostly got what we need here and have been pleasantly surprised at how un-crowded we feel. Our setup does pose a few challenges; for example, the bathroom is off of the bedroom, and so our choices when Eden is napping are to hold it, drive to the nearest gas station, or wake the sleeping baby (we opt for one of the former). The laundry is coin-operated, and that makes for a considerable investment in quarters when one is cloth diapering. However, Matt has solved that dilemma by bravely handwashing and hang-drying ALL of our laundry. Surprisingly, it really doesn't take much longer! The grocery shopping options are also less varied, but that mainly means that there are fewer temptations (Trader Joe's vanilla ice cream and Pound Plus Dark Chocolate come to mind)-- which is a good thing, since we're trying to make it on a $40-50/week grocery budget that includes plenty of fresh produce, grassfed meats and dairy, and pastured eggs. In the past year or so, we've come to welcome limitations as a good thing in most cases, since we aren't very capable of placing them on ourselves.

I've been to two births so far, one Amish and one non-Amish. The midwifery practice I'm precepting with has been everything I'd hoped for. The midwives are all very different from one another, and I'm excited to think of everything I can learn from them in the next several months. I finally feel like I'm going with the flow, rather than the frantic paddling upstream I've always felt when working in a hospital setting. It's amazing how good it feels--it hardly seems like work at all.

Today, the weather is in the 70s (down from the 90s for the first time since we've been here) and we started the day with a long walk past cornfields, grazing cows, Amish farms, and a one-room schoolhouse. We're planning to go to the farmer's market when Eden wakes up, and run a couple of other errands. We're really enjoying the opportunity to sever some of our previous addictions to technology--by necessity these days, we're checking our email every couple of days or so, have no opportunity to watch TV or movies, and even turn off the radio when we're in the car. While we felt a bit stir-crazy the first day or so, we're settling into a slower pace of life where basic chores like washing dishes, cooking meals, doing laundry, and taking care of Eden are our life, rather than something we have to fit in around it, and I also relish the feeling of not having to compulsively rely on something to entertain me. A couple of recent articles I've read have made me committed to slowing down and learning to actually think and read and focus again (all things that frequent exposure to glowing screens tends to disrupt), and this is certainly a great place to learn how to do that!

Packing up

It's officially less than a week until we move to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, where I'll spend the next 4+ months catching babies and Matt and Eden will spend long, outdoorsy days getting to know our new home. We're hoping that I'll be done by Christmas, but we've learned not to count on hard and fast plans, since ours have changed so many times--yet somehow always turned out better than we'd expected.

Life is about like this right now, but sub in clinicals, working, babysitting, preparing most of our belongings to go into storage for several months, trying to figure out what to pack to live in a 2-room cabin, and taking care of an insanely active 1-year-old.

It's sad to be leaving Reston and northern Virginia, where we went from a couple to a family and shared so many unforgettable moments. Not only have we walked circles around the trails of Reston with Eden in a sling or a backpack, but she now trots along them herself--obviously a big milestone. She's a native Virginian, and it's the only home she's ever known.

We also made our first "parent friends" here--people who'd only known us as a couple and who came to see us as Eden's mom and dad. They shared the pregnancy, admired our baby, and watched her play with their own babies. Corbin, Poet, Lyon, Max, Grace, Camryn, Asher, Camden and others have been Eden's first buddies too.

It will be especially hard for me to leave my nurse friends at the hospital--but then, it always is. What was supposed to be a temporary job while I figured out what to do next has wound up being a 3-year stint where I've met some exceptionally close friends, including Eden's godmother, who have witnessed my transformation from law school dropout into mother and almost-midwife. They've cheered me on, bared their own souls, and laughed at my filthy jokes. It's been an amazing time.

What's especially hard about moving now is that there's not quite finality to it, since we aren't going from point A to point B (which is Iowa, if I haven't said it out loud yet); we're going to point A-and-a-half first, during which I'll make occasional returns to point A in order to earn a little money, so that I don't really know what will be the last time I see people and so it lacks the epic finality that it did when we pulled down the driveway to leave Iowa the last time. In a way, it's sadder, because we always knew we'd be coming back to Iowa--at least sometimes. Once we leave Virginia, though--probably not.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week/National Breastfeeding Month from Eden and me