Here's what life is like these days

Since I don't have time to publish the in-depth blow-by-blow accounts I once did, instead I'll give you a thumbnail sketch of the life we've settled into 10 weeks post-Eden.

Matt has been back at work for about six weeks and is headed into his busy season with that. While he still rides his bike or walks to work most days, we also recently purchased a 2000 Volvo station wagon after realizing that the amount of room taken up by Eden's carseat meant that if we kept the Neon as our family car, she would be all the family we would ever be able to have. Initially we'd thought we would then sell or trade in the Neon, but soon realized that when I'm doing midwifery clinicals, it won't do to have me on call for 24 hours at a time with Matt and Eden having no form of transportation.

Our other, possibly-even-more-significant splurge was our recent investment in a LAND LINE. Anybody who's ever tried to call us is familiar with our phone struggles. Matt and I have individually always had terrible luck with cell phones and the like, and getting married seems to have multiplied our bad luck. The Magic Jack turned out to be a total bust; despite corresponding with customer service and frequently reinstalling the software, it not only held Matt's laptop hostage on the desk, but frequently dropped calls, missed calls, refused to allow outgoing calls, and also had rather poor sound quality on the rare occasion that a call was connected. So we finally threw in the towel and got a (digital) landline for $19.95 a month from our cable internet provider. It's still lots more than I'd like to be paying, but it's reliable and we have unlimited long distance and it's lots cheaper than going over our cell phone minutes every month.

Anyway, in other daily news, Eden and I stay home together every day while I try to sneak in some homework. School is going well and at this point I have just two terms left of classes before I begin clinicals in the spring. Amazing! While at times I've questioned my drive/ability to go on, Matt has always been such a rock and an encouragement to me that I'm actually strongly considering tacking on another year to become a Family Nurse Practitioner. Having Eden has made me realize that the need for skilled, sensitive, and supportive practitioners doesn't end at birth--rather, it begins there. The idea of providing continuity of care for babies and children whose births I've attended, and their families, is really exciting--kind of like an old-time country doctor. We'll see how that progresses.

I've also been working about 18 hours a week again--mostly six-hour shifts from 7pm to 1am. It's been going pretty well for everybody, and Matt and Eden are getting a routine down. If things are slow, sometimes he'll bring her in to breastfeed, which is really nice. Otherwise, my Freecycled Pump in Style is going strong!

For the most part, we hang out near home a lot, go for walks, run errands, and just enjoy being a family.
Every so often a friend of ours (and Eden's) gives us a break, as she did recently, so that we could enjoy an afternoon alone together. We went for a long drive out in the country, stopped for pie and coffee at the Hill High Orchard, and interestingly enough ended up driving right by Mount Weather, which we didn't realize one could.




September has always been an interesting time of year for us. A year ago this month:

We became devotees of the natural family planning method, and Eden was just a twinkle in our eyes (for another month)

We were wiping our butts on rags

We were cooking with sour milk

We were camping at Shenandoah, for the second year in a row

I was just starting school, attending Frontier Bound, and we were exchanging tender blog posts throughout our separation

My parents came to visit

and this woman was breastfeeding tiger cubs.

TWO years ago this month:

We went to Philadelphia, Farm Aid, and the Delaware Water Gap

We were burglarized

I was in law school and homesick for Iowa, but overall, life was good.

...And it still is.

Happy anniversary, baby.

Two years ago today, Matt and I got to stand by a picturesque beach in front of our family and close friends in a beautiful ceremony that had us both gushing tears the entire time.

Today, our alarm went off at 5am, and we got ready to head off to another day of work. I'm a good forty pounds heavier than I was when I slid into my little white dress, and words probably can't quantify just how much less glamorous I feel today than I did then.

But I feel no less blessed or fortunate. Only more so. The emotions that marked that day--gratitude, joy, a certain amazed disbelief at my own happy fortune--have only grown stronger over the past two years, when I've learned more ways to give to and receive from and be with someone than I ever would have thought possible in such a short time.

As we celebrate the bittersweet ending and beginning that is our last anniversary as just the two of us, I can look back and see the many ways we've fulfilled the promises we made to each other that day. Decked out in our finery on June 2nd, 2007, we didn't anticipate how quickly we'd be called on to stick together through better and for worse. We also didn't realize how much better things could continue to get. I didn't know how much harder--but ultimately more meaningful--it would be to present myself to someone in stretch marks and water weight than it would be in pearls and heels. And I couldn't have imagined all the ways I would be loved--by someone who holds my hair back when I throw up, helps me heave myself out of bed for the tenth time each night, who finds my lost keys every morning, and who constantly looks for more and better ways to give of himself and to love me.

To the man who is continually amazing me with what a wonderful husband, partner, and friend you are, and who I know will do the same, in just a few short weeks, with what an amazing father you'll be--

thank you, for everything.

Happy Birthday, My Lovely!

You may notice that I have not posted here in a number of months. This is mainly because my job requires me to sit at a computer all day long, answer email, Google stuff, type, edit, and the lot. In the end, computers are no longer fun--they are work. But, this caused me to ignore the chance to wish my favorite person a happy birthday this week on the blog. Katie, you are simply wonderful, and it is an honor to be your husband. I really enjoyed celebrating your birthday this year in our standard close, frugal, joyful manner. So here I wish my most important person, best friend, wife, and soon to be fellow parent to the first in a line of Sullenbrand hellions a wonderful birthday. I look forward to many, many more with you Katie, and I am honored and grateful for every wonderful day we get together in between. 

I also wanted to mention to everyone how excellent of a job Katie is doing with the pregnancy. She is a real tough girl. She has been working a lot lately, mostly 12 hour shifts, and still does more than her share of housework. And, she still has the energy to go on walks almost every day. It is hard for me to see her have to deal with the various challenges of being pregnant--bodily changes, harder time sleeping, harder time moving around, all while having to just go on with life. I think most husbands feel this way, and if you dont, YOU SHOULD. It is a lot of work to be pregnant, and if ladies didn't do it, we would not be here. So, Katie, thank you for all that you are doing to expand our family. I am always here for you, for all that you need, every step of the way.

For all that you are, I am eternally indebted. I love you, always and forever!

A year ago this month...

photo by PappaJack

We became the Sullenbrands! And here we are, already hard at work on making a new one. It's hard to believe it's only been that long, but then again, it's also hard to believe that this month marks just three years of Matt's and my knowing each other--probably because it's so hard for me to imagine my life without him!

There's (Going To Be) a New Sullenbrand in Town.

Almost Done!!!

My Lady is coming home tomorrow! It has been a busier week than I expected, but still with its down points. We have been talking on the phone lots, and Katie is having a great time, but we are both very ready to be back together. This has been the hardest time apart thus far, but it has brought us closer together in so many ways. What was only a week has felt like a year.

I am such a lucky man to have Katie in my life. I am a little jealous to have to share her this week, but it is for such a good reason and worthy profession. And, what an endearing letter below, and a super sultry picture to boot! Good looking mug my wife!

I cannot wait for you to come home. The nest will be feathered and waiting...

Letter to My Husband

Dear Matt,

Tomorrow we'll see each other again. I can't wait. The week has been hard, but we've almost made it! I can't wait to get back to the routines of our daily life: running and bulgur in the morning, phone calls at lunch, snuggling and watching the Cosby Show in the evening. Falling asleep at night talking. I can't wait to get back on the folding bikes and run errands with you; like you said before, our bikes are like us: they just belong together. It's so sad to have one in the closet all by itself, just like it's sad to have an empty pillow next to me at night.

I'm so thankful that we've embraced the challenges that have come our way, and have come out even stronger. Marrying you was still the best thing I've ever done. I'm so excited about everything our future holds, especially starting a family with you. And I'm looking forward to the day we move back closer to the rest of our family, too.

I know from past experience what a powerful thing it will be to see you again tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to the weekend with you. Hang in there, baby; I'll see you soon!

All my love,

Katie

Day 2 and More

Today was a harder day than yesterday, especially not waking up with Katie. You grow really used to that, and it hit me really hard at 5:00 this morning that I didn't have my best friend to groaningly get out of bed with. I miss you and cannot wait for your return!

I did have a good time this morning during my first day volunteering at the Embry Rucker Community Shelter. All I did was vacuum and wash windows, but it was nice to do some physical work. Everyone there is very nice, including the guy who I am doing tasks for. It really puts things into perspective seeing people and entire families who have almost nothing, and a shelter and a warm breakfast is really all they may have too look forward to. It is incredible to have so many things to rely on in my life, but it is so important seeing those who have far less. There are so many biblical passages in the New Testament (and some in the old) that tell you to give to those with less than you. It is for their good, the good of everyone, but it is hard to deny that it is for your good too. Seeing those in really needy conditions puts your problems into a different perspective. It does not make them go away, but it is truly one of the best therapies that you can have. I am really happy that Katie and I chose to get involved with this place, and I am looking to getting to know some of these people more.

So now I go home to our warm aparment, where there is dinner to make and very hungry kitties to feed. I have lots to be thankful for, but I can' help but be melancholy without Katie there. I love you and miss you my lady, but am glad you are having a great time!

September 16, 2007

A year ago today: we were very much in love with DC (a mere ten days before our burglary), good food, and each other. At least the second two haven't changed at all...

. . . but together in spirit.

When I was talking to Katie the other day, I had mentioned how if we had never gotten together, we would have never experienced so many incredible and powerful things. Some have been more difficult than we could imagine, but some have also been more incredible than we could ever fathom. And, I know that neither of us would trade any of this, because we would not be here without it, and I especially would not be the person I am this very minute without Katie.

It is going to be very hard to go home to an empty house tonight that, and not have someone to make dinner for. There are so many different kinds of people, and so many different kinds of marriage, but we are the type of people that really need each other, and want to be with each other all the time. When I was walking to work this morning, I noticed how nice it was outside, and wished Katie was there, in the simple setting of walking through Reston on my way to work, and I missed her.

But, in an incredible way, I knew that she was there. There is an undeniable connection that can and has been strained, but seems to be another thing beyond what we can fathom. No matter what, we will always be together, but I still miss her just the same.

I came across this nice quote that summarizes how I (we) feel:

"Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman."

1 Corinthians 11:11

I miss you and love you Katie. Come home soon!

Apart

Today marks the beginning of the first separation Matt and I have had since going through our rocky patch awhile back. Separation has never been easy for us, and I don't think it will be under these circumstances. Since we began putting even more effort into growing closer together every day, it makes it that much harder to do things like sleep apart and face the uncertainty of not knowing when we might be able to talk next. I know there are people who face much bigger, more serious separations--people who go to war or even those whose jobs just require more travel--and I don't know how they do it. I know that the moments in my day when I see Matt--waking up next to him, him walking through the door after work, or even just an unexpected phone call in the middle of the day--are such bursts of light to me, and it will be a hard week without them.

But I also know that we'll be constantly in each other's thoughts and hearts and prayers, and I know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If such a thing is indeed possible, all I can say about next Friday is: look out!

Too Hot to Handle

The weather, that is. After a couple of lovely cool days, and lying in bed this morning noticing that some of the leaves outside had turned, and thinking happily that we just may be headed for fall, Matt and I were disappointed when we ventured outside this morning and the air was sticky, heavy, and already in the high 80's.

So our jog turned into sort of a half-run, half-walk down to the Farmer's Market and the bookstore and back. We were planning to run a couple of errands on bike, but at this rate we've decided to just hang out and keep cool, and get up to do them early tomorrow, before the weather gets too hot.

On the docket for this weekend:

-Clean up our adopted spot

-Clip and sort coupons (I'm way behind)

-Pack for Frontier

-Plan a menu and shopping list for cooking dinner at the homeless shelter next month
We've decided, at my mom's excellent suggestion, to make her tuna buns recipe, which was a surprisingly huge hit at our engagement party two years ago. It's easy, high in protein, and feeds a crowd for relatively cheap!

-Stop by the library, to return books and pick up more coupons!

-Return a swimsuit to Eddie Bauer
They had a great sale on their website, but they don't sell suits in the stores--though you can return them there, for free!--so I needed to order a couple of different sizes before I got it right. Now, I'm thrilled to death with this suit (and with getting it for half price!), which is basic and flattering and should last a long time. I've decided this past year that I am so done with cheap two-pieces, since I've owned so many and never been happy with them; they're never flattering, and I'm never in the sun enough to get a tan belly, so I just wind up hanging my pale one out there for all to see. No more!

-Grocery shop

-Make homemade lavender laundry soap

Tonight we're also going to a showing of A Walk to Beautiful, a documentary we've wanted to see for awhile which deals with the heartbreaking condition of obstetric fistula (incontinence of urine/feces due to birth injuries) in Africa, and a humanitarian organization's efforts to combat it. Check it out if you have a chance (you can rent it or watch it online at Netflix), or consider making a donation to the Fistula Hospital.

But because of the heat, today we're focusing on the indoor activities. Some couponing, some reading, some blogging; Matt's whittling, and we'll probably watch some Cosby show. Mostly, we're just enjoying the day. Things have felt so much lighter and easier between us in the past few days, like the heaviness of the past, which--though forgiven, not forgotten--has been a nearly constant part of our subconscious for the past few months, is finally lifting, and we're getting back into the groove of the relationship we thought we had, found out we didn't, but are getting closer and closer to every day.

Living on a Prayer

Which is apparently what this hungry guy or gal has been living on for a couple of days. When I walked into my office on Wednesday morning, I was surprised to find this little fella sitting on the top of my computer. I typed away for a couple of hours with it there there and eventually the bug climbed up the wall and up to the ceiling. When I came into the office this morning, he/she was still up there. So Katie got the awesome idea to get some crickets and feed it.

Watching this thing grab the crickets and eat was about one of the coolest things I have ever seen. Katie and I watched it hunt and eat for about 20 minutes, and mentioned how this would have been awesome to show to little kids, thinking of ours that we hope to have and show gross things to some day.



After he or she ate three crickets in one sitting (hungry little guy) we decided to bring it outside and set it free. It was nice to hang out with this little fella for a couple of days in my office, and oddly enough was entertaining even though it really does not do very much.

It is wonderful to have a partner like Katie to enjoy little, simple, silly joys like this with. I thank God for these little experiences, because the wonderful little things like this are really what make up life. So I just want to say how happy I am to have Katie in my life, to have this miraculous person to do the day-to-day things with, and to have little adventures with all the time. I love you so very much my wife. Thank you for all that you are! You are the world to me! I consider myself so blessed to have you, so maybe this little thing coming into my life was a symbolic, prayerful gesture from the man upstairs, reminding me in a little, yet comical way how lucky I truly am. And I know it.

Our Life These Days

These days, our life is mostly blissfully, boringly, normal.

We get up between 5:30 and 6:30 and generally go for a short (15-30 minute) jog around our neighborhood. These days, it's typically dark when we leave, and beginning to get light as we head home. Soon it's going to be dark and chilly the whole time, and that will make the motivation quite a bit trickier!

Then we eat breakfast--bulgur and bananas, coffee, and orange juice.

I bike to work and Matt often bikes with me. Work has been busy lately for me, so I've been there almost every weekday the past couple of weeks (which was previously unusual). Things we're saving up for: our trip back to the midwest at Christmas, midwifery school, paying off the loan on our car, a down payment on a place someday, and continuing to attack our student loans. We have separate ING accounts for all of these (except the loan payments), so we can conveniently watch each balance grow a little bit at a time.

Matt's work is also getting busier, and he's getting ready to go on a business trip in October and one in November. I'll be joining him, to photo-document the trip and just generally keep him company.

On my days off, I've been spending lots of time working through the preliminary requirements for Frontier, as well as doing online training for the RAINN online hotline.

We've been trying to eat simple, plant-based meals for dinner, despite our newfound addiction to fresh local butter. In the evenings, we'll often go for a walk, browse the used bookstore, walk to the pool, watch an episode or two of the Cosby Show, or just spend the evening reading quietly. Thankful for the time we have together, for what we've been through, and where we are now. Hopeful for what lies ahead, whatever that may be.

In other words, things could be more interesting, but we couldn't feel more blessed.

Finding a New Path

For regular readers of Matt & Katie, it would have been hard to miss that we went through a bit of a rough patch a bit back. While things have vastly improved, and we know more than ever how much we love each other, there is still healing going on and the things we learned will be on our minds for some time, probably forever. The reason that I am writing this is tell us to one of the amazing things that came out of this ordeal, the reason that we have made it this far and will continue to get better and better-when things got really bad, we put our trust in God, and we continue to put it there together. This is not something that I could have predicted, or even that I was looking for at all, but it came to us, sort of like a slap in the face. And what a welcome slap it has been.

This has been the most meaningful and important experience in my life to come together with Katie and build this part of us. She has been an amazing guide throughout. We have always had the most amazing relationship, and we did not even realize that something was missing, but our new found spiritually has not only filled a void, it has brought us together like never before. It is amazing that such an enormous change can feel so natural. So lately, we have been praying together, praying for each other, thinking about and discussing God and his role in our lives, and reading the Bible. This is the first time in my life that I have actually sat down to read the Bible, but it is even more amazing of a book than I ever thought.

Here is a passage that has really meant a lot to me lately:

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ."

Phillipians 4:4-7

Just this small passage embodies so many wonderful, powerful sentiments: comfort, empowerment, support, joy, gentleness, faith, and love. I feel like before I believed in God but used spirituality when it was convenient, sort of a tool to justify and understand other things. I did not realize the overarching importance of keeping a connection to God at all times, and how important this is for having a complete marriage. This has been fundamental for us, and has allowed us to continue to have an exciting, open, fearless, and loving marriage that we have always have, which is now more true than ever.

So, I leave you with the following thought: open your heart to what is inherently good, true, open, honest, supporting, fearless, and loving, and be on guard for anything that would try to undermine these. This principle took me and Katie to a place we may have not expected, but are so glad to be.

Looking Back

This past week marked the one-year anniversary of our move to DC. (We've also been in Reston eight months now--a two-thirds majority of our time out here--crazy!) Here's what we were up to exactly a year ago today.

So...it's been a whole year since we first packed up our newlywed selves and moved further from our homes and families than either of us had ever imagined doing before. In the process, we've created not just new homes in the physical sense (though we have, and please note the plural), but a whole new idea of home--one based on our own decisions and commitments, rather than those we were born into and raised with. (Though at times, they're very alike.) We've learned to both lean on and support each other; but we've also learned that, should that ever waver, our previous support systems are still strong and intact as well. Distance hasn't lessened them a bit. That has especially come to bear in recent days, and it reminds me of the charge issued by our pastor to our families at our wedding.

Will you offer prayers and understanding, and will you do all in your power to support them in their relationship?

Will you accept Matt and Katie into each of your families, as one of your own?

Will you celebrate Matthew and Katie's marriage with them, standing beside them in rough times, yet never standing between them?

Our families--now family--stood and answered, "We will."

And they have.

Thank you.

You're Still The One

Thankfulness

When I first got married, someone told me "Tell your wife everything, no matter how painful it is." This week we have felt more pain than we ever thought we would. I thank God for the guidance to get through this, and we have learned how truthfully everything will get better if you just follow the above guideline. I love Katie and appreciate her strength and dedication, and thank God for every moment we have together.

State of Grace

It's been a rough week around here. Matt and I have spent many, many hours and even more words (and tears) working through some rough patches that have, very unexpectedly, cropped up for what I think we both though was a nearly untouchable marriage. We were wrong. But through the love and forgiveness of each other, the support and prayers of our family and friends, and the grace of God, we're getting through this.