(Home)Birthing in Baltimore, Baby

This is a great article on homebirth in Baltimore. It presents an interesting variety of statements representing numerous angles in the birth debates. But the quote from the article that stuck out most strongly for me was that of anti-homebirth obstetrician who said, in response to the charge that hospitals will unfailingly intervene unnecessarily in an otherwise normal birth:"If you are here long enough, we are going to do something to you. It's a matter of time. I will be the first one to admit that," he says. "The trade-off is that I am going to make sure that nothing happens to you or to the baby."

I'm going to completely stay away from the first part of his statement, which speaks for himself. and unfortunately influences 90% of how I spend my time at work. I'll leave that aside for now. No, the part that I find really chilling is the statement "I am going to make sure that nothing happens to you or the baby."

Really?

Especially from a person who believes that birth is inherently dangerous to mother and baby, how can he make a promise like that? That NOTHING will happen to mother and baby? Who placed life and death and health all within his omnipotent control?

Even--maybe especially?--midwives and doulas and granola nurses, who believe that birth is a normal and natural and beautiful process, know that life itself is inherently unpredictable, and that tragic things happen. And they do, to people crossing the street or mowing the lawn and also to midwives and their clients. But you know what? Midwives are sued much less often than physicians, perhaps because they don't tend to make ridiculous promises like that in the first place. (One of the first things I learned as a nurse was to NEVER, under any circumstances, tell a patient that they or everything "will be okay." Because you just don't know that. Instead, I'll tell people that they're in good hands, or that we'll take good care of them. Because I have never had a patient, geriatric or obstetric tell me, "I'm afraid I'm going to die," who hasn't up and done just that. Often unpredictably. And I'm not going to be the ass who told them to stop being silly because NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO THEM.) In general, they empower them with factual information and then they trust them to make their own decisions. They don't try to bamboozle them with scare tactics.

Because babies and mothers have occasionally died in childbirth for centuries, and it's always been terribly sad, but it's only since birth moved into the hospitals, at the doctors' behest that they were unquestionably safe there--that nothing would happen to them or their baby--that it's become a total shock, one that leaves families looking around for someone to blame--and sue.

One of the midwives in the story comments on the fact that she cares for "a lot of religious ladies because they don't deify doctors as much as the rest of us might--they feel like they can trust a different kind of power to see that their birth goes well."

Amen to that.

The Weekend is Here!

Friday night! We wait breathlessly all week for this. Every day, we encourage each other that it's one day closer. All day today, we reminded each other with phone calls and emails: It's Friday! Date night!

And what does this long-anticipated occasion find us doing? Chilling out on the couch; Matt reading, me blogging.

Heaven.

We also watched a couple of episodes of The Cosby Show and made a great pizza--with Vidalia onions, cherry tomatoes, and indulging our lesser-known carnivorous sides by adding sausage from a local farm. Yum. Washed it down with a glass of wine. Tomorrow night, we're making the rest of the sausage into meatballs for spaghetti.

I sent off my Frontier application today, which was a relief. This morning Matt and I got up at 5:30 to run, and then just as I was about to go out the door at 6:20, I realized I had a voicemail--despite never having heard my phone ring. (Have I ever mentioned how much I hate T-Mobile? Because I really, really do.) It was work, telling me they didn't need me. Thinking that we could really used the money, I called them back, but they assured me that they were so slow there was just no way they could justify letting me come in. Oh, well. I'd just accustomed myself to the idea of a slim month, and perked up at the idea of all I could get done today, when they called back about 9 to let me know that they were drowning and needed me right away. How quickly things change! While we were running I'd remarked to Matt that it sort of looked like rain, and I bet that work would be busy today. Ha! So I hurried to get my application postmarked so at least I could cross that important item off my list, if nothing else. Work was busy, so it went fast.

This weekend, we're planning to make up another batch of limeade concentrate (and so, apparently, is the rest of the world, judging from the many and multinational hits we're constantly getting from people Googling the recipe) and head to the pool with a friend of ours. I haven't baked for awhile and so I'm thinking about doing some of that--maybe banana bread and a batch of cookies? It's also been awhile since we've had zucchini bread--like, last summer (can it be made with less than a CUP of oil per loaf?!)--so we're going to scout out the farmer's market for some zukes.

Spaghetti and meatballs are on the menu tomorrow, and stir-fry on Sunday. If I didn't mention it already, my campaign to get the library to save me their coupons was successful (hooray), so Sunday we'll bike over to get those, do our grocery shopping, and also drop off at the homeless shelter the fruits of a very profitable CVS haul. Here's what we got there:
Old Spice Body Wash x 4 at $3.99 apiece
Olay Body Ribbons Body Wash at $4.99 apiece
(both part of an Olay promotion--buy $20, get $10 ECB)
Dawn Direct Dish Foam at $2 for $2
CVS Pantiliners x 2 for $1.99 apiece (free after ECB)

used $1/2 Old Spice Body Wash coupon
$1/1 Olay Body Wash coupon
$1/1 Dawn coupon
Used $4/20 coupon for updating my email address with CVS.com
(all of these were from the library!)

Then I used $15 in ECB and earned $13 back. I only spent $0.06 out of pocket! Incidentally, the cashier used up my ECB before my coupons, so I actually ended up getting two of the coupons back (when it would have been far preferable to get the ECB back--apparently I should dole them out one at a time, in the order to be used), but I'm not going to complain about getting roughly $27 of stuff more or less for free. We'll probably keep the dish soap, but donate the rest. Since that $0.06 didn't make a very big dent in our charity budget for the month, we're also giving to the This American Life podcast, which we enjoy listening to weekly and which apparently costs hundreds of thousands of dollars in broadband, though it's a free program. And, an influential band director of Matt's passed away this past week and specified that any donations should be made to two organizations that had meaning for him. So we'll be giving to each of those in his honor.

I'm going to let Matt tell you later about the unbelievably delicious twice-baked potatoes he made with tofu sour cream/mayonnaise. They were honestly the most creamy, tangy, delicious twice-baked potatoes I've ever had, and I couldn't believe they were only seasoned with salt and pepper. Yum!

Housekeeping

I was supposed to work today, but was put on call instead. Frankly, I was relieved; I worked 10 unscheduled hours on Monday and was wondering how I was going to get through two more 12-hour shifts today and tomorrow, and another 10-hour shift on Friday. For some reason, Matt and I have also both been requiring an insane amount of sleep lately. We go to bed plenty early and have great intentions, but when the alarm goes off at 5:30 to run, it's more like 6:30 or 7:30 or even 8 (depending on whether I have to work or not) before one of us even tries to convince the other to get up. Then the next night, we collapse into bed, exhausted, by 9. It's kind of unusual for us, particularly for Matt, but we try not to question our bodies' earnest requirements, and we've been chalking it up to the fact that we're wearing ourselves out going through so much change lately! I like to think, too, that what we experience as periods of increased need for sleep are a cue that we've averted some kind of sickness we might otherwise have gotten. I have been feeling a little achy lately, and kind of sinusy with allergies, so I was more than happy to hunker down and work on some paperwork today.

First up: my Frontier application. Much more sane and manageable than most (or does it only seem that way because I've gotten so accustomed to doing them?), it's ready to send off once Matt comes home and checks off the final proofreading of my resume and admissions essays. I've scheduled my phone interview and have a call in to my clinical site of choice. My schedule is cleared for the September orientation period, should I be accepted. All systems go!

On my days off, I typically also try to keep close tabs on our budget. Since January of this year I've been tracking every penny (okay, every dollar--I do round) of what comes in or goes out of our possession, and it's been both enlightening and encouraging. I set up our budgets from the 10th of one month to the 9th of the last, because Matt always gets paid on the 10th and I get paid on alternating Fridays. I keep track of our income and expenditures, our progress on paying down loans, what's in our savings account, and any potential upcoming expenses. One that's approaching is health insurance for me. Since I'm hourly at work (which gives me much greater flexibility as well as an additional $10 an hour), I don't get benefits; until August 21st, I'm covered under the policy I bought through law school last year. Adding me to Matt's policy would cost approximately $300 a month, an amount that's hard to swallow when I don't think I've ever generated $3,600 a year in medical bills. I was planning to buy coverage through Shenandoah, but, well. I think that would require my actually going through with attending school there. Frontier doesn't seem to offer it. So I was happy to find this site, which seems to indicate that for about $80 a month, I can purchase a plan with around a $3,000 deductible, decent coverage for a well-woman exam, and good benefits should something catastrophic happen to me. I'm more than happy to self-insure (ie place in a savings account) for a $3,000 deductible, since I would have spent more than that out of pocket in premiums otherwise. The companies to choose among include Anthem, Humana, and United HealthCare. Anthem has the highest ratings and I think that's who Matt has. Humana interests me because they seem to have a large philanthropic arm, though they're rated A- to Anthem's straight A. United HealthCare is who I have now, and I can't say I've been terribly impressed--though I haven't been terribly unimpressed either, and it could just be the bare-minimum student coverage I have. On principal, I know that UHC refuses to cover homebirth, while Humana makes the distinction between covering medically indicated C-sections while refusing to cover elective ones, showing that they've given some thought to the issues close to my heart. If all other things are equal, I like to vote with my dollars where I can. So we'll see.

Otherwise, we went grocery shopping the other night. Here's what our trip looked like:

This was a pretty representative list of what it takes to feed us for a week, because we'd cleaned the cupboards pretty much down to bare, except staples, before we went out of town. It even includes cat litter, which we buy every other week. You can figure another $10-15 for items like milk and eggs and produce from the farmer's market, and that puts us at about $50 a week, which I feel is pretty reasonable. Otherwise, we were pleased to note that it's a pretty darn healthy selection of items; we pared most of the crap out of our diets awhile back. We've also cut way down on cheese, which had the effect of greatly reducing the bills; you'll notice that the most expensive item on the list after the asparagus is a bag of mozzarella. (The items labeled "Grocery 1" were apples, bananas, and a just-over-a-pound bunch of asparagus, respectively.) The menu for the week is as follows:

Stir-fry (broccoli, carrots, onions, and tofu) with rice
Spinach and tomato pizza
Whole-wheat spaghetti (we have sauce in the freezer)
Black bean and corn tamales with salsa and tofu sour cream
Whole-wheat penne pasta with oven-roasted asparagus, onions, and grape tomatoes
Baked potatoes with tofu sour cream, and steamed veggies on the side

The tofu sour cream has taken up a pretty sturdy residence on our menu because it's easier to keep tofu on hand for long periods of time than real sour cream is. It also has a little more protein and fiber in it. As I've mentioned before, it's not any kind of a stunner by itself, but it lends plenty of tang and creaminess to dishes like tamales and baked potatoes, and that's really all we're looking for.

Breakfasts at our place, which is not so well-represented on that list, are anything from oatmeal to smoothies to, recently, Kashi Heart-to-Heart because we got it for $0.50 a box using coupons. (Word is that it's on sale at Wal-Mart for $2 a box, meaning that we could get it free after the printable $2/off coupon, but unfortunately our nearest Wal-Mart is 8-10 miles away. That somewhat eats into the savings. Which is a bummer, because I do love that cereal. Lunches are pretty much always leftovers from dinner, along with a piece of fruit or a handful of nuts. Possibly not the most exciting way of eating, but we're pretty happy with it.

Trip Report

Our visit to the midwest this past week was wonderful on so many levels. It was also very sobering: flying into Cedar Rapids, over cornfields that should have been a lush green carpet but instead looked like a scuffed and threadbare brownish rug. Seeing the town I grew up in looking like a war zone, up to within a block or two of my parents' home. Watching people pick through their ruined belongings and try to re-establish their lives. Knowing what a challenge that will be for months and years to come, despite the fact that the rest of the country has already turned its eyes elsewhere. So many problems and as of yet, no solutions.

However, we also had many happy moments in Iowa: family dinner with my parents and siblings, breakfast at our favorite breakfast joint with friends and former co-workers, and then riding up to Wisconsin with my brother, my sister, and my sister-in-law to attend Matt's parents' Fourth of July party together. In terms of the party, I think I can safely say that a good time was had by all!














We also got our anniversary cake from Craig's Cakes while we were back in Wisconsin.
Banana split! Oh, YUM.
We also enjoyed time with Matt's sisters and their significant others, and went out on the boat with his parents. Throughout the entire trip was a pervasive theme, for both of us, of: we need to get back here. Soon. Whether it was the devastation of Cedar Rapids or getting up early to take a run through the unbelievably gorgeous smell of fresh-cut hay that's all over Wisconsin right now, we both feel a mounting sense of impatience to get back to the places--though above all, the people--that matter most to us. We are hugely aware that very few couples are as blessed as we are to have joined together two families so full of incredible and kind people, and we've come to the conclusion that living far away from that is not something we want to do much longer.

And so it is that I bring you to the next unexpected bend in the road of our lives: I'm planning to apply to the Frontier School of Midwifery and Family Nursing, a fully-distance program, and hopefully we'll move back to the midwest to do clinicals (and to stay) within the space of a year or so. There's even an incredibly birth center I've found, which does homebirth as well, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can do my clinicals there.

What about Shenandoah? It's a good program, but careful blog readers will recall that I was always a little ambivalent about it. It never quite settled in for me. Frontier is also less expensive, and quite a bit more flexible; it also has the added benefit of having been around for a long, long time. It's well-known in the midwest, which is where I plan to practice. While we've loved our time here and plan to maximize it, and there is plenty we'll miss about Reston--

above all else, we're ready to come home.

We're Back!!

After a wonderful trip and several uneventful flights, we're back! More on all that later; right now, we're going to bed!

Though I Disdain The Term "Blogiversary"...

...that's what this is!!!

One year ago today, on the one-month anniversary of our wedding in Mexico, is when I started the blog. In honor of it, I've put up a few pictures; feel free also to browse the archives and marvel at what's been. As this posts, we're (Lord willing) on a plane on our way back to the Midwest. As I wrote that first post, I was considering that we were about to leave it. And now, we're fairly sure that a permanent move back there is in the cards. Soon. Who could have seen that coming?

We thought we were moving out here to live in Washington, D.C., where Matt would become an elementary school band director and I would learn to become a lawyer. Instead, we're living in Reston, where Matt is an accreditor and I'm about to become a midwife. We thought there was a chance we could be "city people" for the rest of our lives. Instead, our current lifestyle and everything in it are very different from what we anticipated. But I think that I speak for both of us when I say that we couldn't be happier.

And, just as I wrote at this time last year: It will certainly be interesting to see how the next year unfolds...

Playing Cricket

Recently we've come across a couple of cave crickets in our apartment. Fortunately, the first one we ever found was dead (we found him under the fridge while looking under there for something else), and so we could inspect and identify him (via Google) before we had to be confronted with the terrifying experience of seeing one next to the coffeemaker at 3:00 in the morning. That one promptly leapt out onto us, leading Matt to exclaim, "Oh lord, we've been attacked in our own home!" And last night, as we were lying in bed, I thought I saw a dark blotch on the wall and on closer inspection I realized it was another one of these:
They tell us it's just cricket season in Virginia. I've never minded bugs much, but these are a little freaky. Good thing we're going out of town for a few days! Speaking of which: WE'RE GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR A FEW DAYS! And we're very excited about it.