Rainy Days and Mondays

Today, alas, is both. Is that what's getting me down? (In poor Karen Carpenter's case, I think it's more likely that hideous dress.) Or is it more frustration, stemming from the juggling of so many seeming irreconcilable factors (cost, proximity to Matt's job/my job [which is on the rocks but what else is new]/where I might end up going to school, the absence of roaches and violent crime) as we try to find a new place to live? The idea that I'm not sure I can stomach eight more months at my current job? The uncertainty of not knowing whether I'll get into the midwifery program I want? Or the thought that Matt's going out of town in two days?

To be fair, I'm not even sure that "down" is the best way to describe how I'm feeling. It's more like "blah." It's a feeling of being just plain tired of wrestling with the same ideas over and over again. Trying to find a place to live that meets our needs, trying to find a job that isn't batshit crazy and a huge liability, literally; trying to get through the rest of the semester of law school without being literally bored to death. (Really, I fear this.) I realize these aren't major problems, they don't even really demand a solution, except for "wait and see," but that doesn't stop me from wishing that we'd get a break in the case, a change, a clue, something to refresh this weary sluggishness.

To be even more fair, a lot of things have swung our way lately. Confronted by Matt, who has been pushed to his limits by the bugs et al, our landlord has agreed to let us out of our lease, with 60 days' notice. The hospital in the town where Matt works appears to have a number of openings in labor and delivery; there are even some affordable apartments nearby. While the idea of living in an internationally known planned community from the 1960's feels maybe a little Stepford at first, on the other hand, there's something about it that seems kind of utopian and right for people who save their vegetable scraps along with their old underwear. (And what, the idea of me as fawning and submissive and impossibly beautiful doesn't sound realistic to you?) The town's objectives, having to do with leisure and walkability and the premise of (*gasp*) living in the same town where you work, sound like we could have concocted them ourselves as an antidote to what we've found are the MAJOR downsides of living in the city.

As far as school goes, maybe I'll get in and maybe I won't. It's the chance you take when you move across the country to do something and then change your mind about it. It seems unrealistically fortuitous that there would even be such a program in the same town where I moved to go to law school, but there is. Not everybody's husband would have the same kind of loving patience for this sort of flip-floppery that mine does. As for said husband's being gone for a week, it's going to be rough, as anyone who's ever witnessed our separation can attest... but I'm lucky that I'll have good friends there with me the whole time, so that at least I don't have to worry about being alone.

That just leaves finishing law school: 17 days until the end of classes...11 days of actual school, plus 12 hours of final exams...but who's counting?