I recently read Simplicity Parenting by Kim Payne, after seeing it mentioned in a parenting blog post. The book is predicated on the notion that kids today are exposed to
"too much stuff
too many choices
too much information
and too fast..."
and that the result is an epidemic of anxious, materialistic, self-centered children who can't focus or behave. Looking at children today, I definitely think that there's something really wrong, and we have definitely made moves in the past several years to simplify our own lives--so I was intrigued by the premise.
The author makes the point that everything from picky eating to sleep problems to temper tantrums can be caused by an environment that is overly stimulating (electronic toys, video and computer screens, constant exposure to the adult world of conversation, extreme numbers of scheduled after-school activities), causing kids to make an effort to filter out some of the world around them. Hearing the rationale and case studies made me feel really affirmed about some of the things we've already chosen to do with Eden and our future kids: no TV; trying hard to seriously limit the amount of time she sees us using "screens," whether computer, movie, iPod, or phone; minimizing the number of toys and possessions that are around; and, probably most controversially--and this is not from the book, but I did feel like the overall message of the book backed it up--no Christmas or birthday gifts. (We'd rather tie rewards and presents to hard work and good behavior, and make sure that they stay in the realm of "nice surprise/treat I've earned" versus "Wait till Christmas and then I can ask for whatever I want, regardless," and the diminishing returns that come with buying into a consumerist mentality. More on that to come.) It also gave me some fresh motivation and new ideas--like trying to make sure that the space where Eden spends a lot of time is uncluttered and visually restful, and making particular effort to keep our conversations around her positive and uplifting. I feel like the result of all this is, for the most part, a happy, well-adjusted little girl, and it also made me realize that when she's not acting that way--days with temper tantrums and meltdowns and difficulty sleeping well-- that "too much/too many/too fast" is a good place to start looking for the root of the problem.
On the whole, this was a good, quick read, and one that I'd highly recommend, especially to parents or other people working with kids who find themselves up against children with sleep, eating, attention, or behavioral problems.
"too much stuff
too many choices
too much information
and too fast..."
and that the result is an epidemic of anxious, materialistic, self-centered children who can't focus or behave. Looking at children today, I definitely think that there's something really wrong, and we have definitely made moves in the past several years to simplify our own lives--so I was intrigued by the premise.
The author makes the point that everything from picky eating to sleep problems to temper tantrums can be caused by an environment that is overly stimulating (electronic toys, video and computer screens, constant exposure to the adult world of conversation, extreme numbers of scheduled after-school activities), causing kids to make an effort to filter out some of the world around them. Hearing the rationale and case studies made me feel really affirmed about some of the things we've already chosen to do with Eden and our future kids: no TV; trying hard to seriously limit the amount of time she sees us using "screens," whether computer, movie, iPod, or phone; minimizing the number of toys and possessions that are around; and, probably most controversially--and this is not from the book, but I did feel like the overall message of the book backed it up--no Christmas or birthday gifts. (We'd rather tie rewards and presents to hard work and good behavior, and make sure that they stay in the realm of "nice surprise/treat I've earned" versus "Wait till Christmas and then I can ask for whatever I want, regardless," and the diminishing returns that come with buying into a consumerist mentality. More on that to come.) It also gave me some fresh motivation and new ideas--like trying to make sure that the space where Eden spends a lot of time is uncluttered and visually restful, and making particular effort to keep our conversations around her positive and uplifting. I feel like the result of all this is, for the most part, a happy, well-adjusted little girl, and it also made me realize that when she's not acting that way--days with temper tantrums and meltdowns and difficulty sleeping well-- that "too much/too many/too fast" is a good place to start looking for the root of the problem.
On the whole, this was a good, quick read, and one that I'd highly recommend, especially to parents or other people working with kids who find themselves up against children with sleep, eating, attention, or behavioral problems.
3 comments:
I haven't read the book yet, but I also wonder if too many choices can't be part of the problem. I never cease to be amazed at the number of questions directed at a child during the course of a day as to what they want to EAT! Granted, some preferences will present themselves over the days and years, but I don't get it with the mealtime conversations. A meal on the table (with its own inherent choices) and a family around that table. And then no hovering. Voila, as far as I'm concerned. As usual, good for you! Those smiles tell worlds about your parenting. Also good idea to cut everyone else in on the no Christmas and birthday presents. Don't want to break the spell. :)
I can borrow?
MB, I'd love to lend, but I actually got it from my library. Looks to be cheap on Amazon, though--and I've considered adding it to my collection at some point.
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