Easing up

Things with Eden were 1000% better today. While we still had our share of tantrums, potty accidents, and other standard 2-year-old fare, and she is still "declining" to take a nap, she was actually very sweet, cuddly, and affectionate most of the day, did like she was told more often than usual, and spent most of the day using the potty and wearing dry training pants. 

I felt like I'd been let out of jail.

Rough

Is how things have felt lately. With regard to the last post, Eden is still on a hardcore napping strike, and bedtime isn't going well either. (Except for tonight, when we skipped out to a movie and my mom was kind enough to put her down--of course, she went willingly and easily). As a result, she's sleep-deprived and irrational, generally a kicking, screaming, sobbing mess most of the day, making it impossible to get anything done and nearly impossible to keep oneself in check after awhile. We've tried it all to get her to sleep more--longer bedtime routines, shorter bedtime routines, staying with her until she falls asleep, NOT staying with her until she falls asleep...all to no avail. So our nerves are more than a bit frayed from that.

Also, I've taken a nursing job while I work on getting midwifery going, so that we can pay our bills in the meantime--especially with a move in the works. (The idea of flying solo with these two kids (well, mainly the one, to be honest) while Matt is at work, without my parents as backup, is daunting--but we'll see. It had to come sometime, right?) The nursing gig is something I'm thankful for, and only disappointed about because it means I'll be away from the girls more. Probably not a ton, hopefully just a night or two a week--but still, it isn't what I'd planned on. And for us both be pulled away from family life more than we'd like, and still be struggling a bit to make ends meet-- well, again, it's not exactly the picture we fantasized about.

But still. I took Eden to the library today, and I left the diaper bag (and her monkey harness--how I love that monkey harness) at home, and so she was running, yelling, jumping, and climbing like a how-NOT-to-behave-in-the-library video. Then, with my patience running a bit thin with the stresses of the day, in the checkout line was a mom with a little boy confined to a wheelchair. And I realized that that mom would probably give ANYTHING to have the kind of library visit I'd just sighed my way through, even just once. And I remembered that Eden won't always be two, and that money problems are just money problems, and that we're all healthy and together and that those are the two most important things. So I'm able to end the day feeling kind of like I've been pulled through a knothole, but on the whole, grateful, nonetheless.

Crazy

...pretty much sums up the kind of day we had today. It started last night, probably, when we went out to dinner and so didn't get Eden in bed until after 9:30--almost 3 hours later than usual. She's never been a kid who can make that up the next morning (she still rose at 6) or on a nap the next day (still clocked in at under an hour). And by about 10am, I was ready to lose it. Crayons thrown in the litterbox. Crayons bitten off in the mouth.Closed doors repeatedly opened so that cats could frolic down and join the bed and breakfast crowd below. Cat litter played with, cat water dumped. Coffee jostled onto the couch. And that was all just this morning. Then there was a full-on, kicking and screaming tantrum when it was time for naptime, a fork thrown into the toilet later...the list goes on and on.

I'm fairly sure she doesn't get as much sleep as she needs, but we've tried everything we can think of to put her down sooner (she already goes to bed at 7), put her down later (in the hopes that it would get her to sleep in later, but see above) take a longer nap, and take a second nap. All have resulted in a huge outpouring of time and energy, for no gain. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I love Eden, and I can truly say I wouldn't choose for her to be any different of a person than she is, but BOY, she can be tiring. I am whipped. And that's with an especially heavy dose of support from both Matt and my mom today.

Luckily for me, my second child is the very soul of patience. And is gaining weight steadily despite the fact that she never gets to nurse for more than about five minutes at a time.

I'm trying not to think about how days like this will go when we move out of my parents' house. I'm doing my best to follow my resolution to focus on what I need for today. And today, I had what I needed. But there were moments where it felt like, just barely.

Having it to do over again

Awhile back, someone commented on a blog post to ask whether we'd be doing things more or less the same way with Eve that we did with Eden. For the most part, the answer is yes.