Rough

Is how things have felt lately. With regard to the last post, Eden is still on a hardcore napping strike, and bedtime isn't going well either. (Except for tonight, when we skipped out to a movie and my mom was kind enough to put her down--of course, she went willingly and easily). As a result, she's sleep-deprived and irrational, generally a kicking, screaming, sobbing mess most of the day, making it impossible to get anything done and nearly impossible to keep oneself in check after awhile. We've tried it all to get her to sleep more--longer bedtime routines, shorter bedtime routines, staying with her until she falls asleep, NOT staying with her until she falls asleep...all to no avail. So our nerves are more than a bit frayed from that.

Also, I've taken a nursing job while I work on getting midwifery going, so that we can pay our bills in the meantime--especially with a move in the works. (The idea of flying solo with these two kids (well, mainly the one, to be honest) while Matt is at work, without my parents as backup, is daunting--but we'll see. It had to come sometime, right?) The nursing gig is something I'm thankful for, and only disappointed about because it means I'll be away from the girls more. Probably not a ton, hopefully just a night or two a week--but still, it isn't what I'd planned on. And for us both be pulled away from family life more than we'd like, and still be struggling a bit to make ends meet-- well, again, it's not exactly the picture we fantasized about.

But still. I took Eden to the library today, and I left the diaper bag (and her monkey harness--how I love that monkey harness) at home, and so she was running, yelling, jumping, and climbing like a how-NOT-to-behave-in-the-library video. Then, with my patience running a bit thin with the stresses of the day, in the checkout line was a mom with a little boy confined to a wheelchair. And I realized that that mom would probably give ANYTHING to have the kind of library visit I'd just sighed my way through, even just once. And I remembered that Eden won't always be two, and that money problems are just money problems, and that we're all healthy and together and that those are the two most important things. So I'm able to end the day feeling kind of like I've been pulled through a knothole, but on the whole, grateful, nonetheless.