Lazy Thursday

Though Blogger insists on labeling it Wednesday...

For some reason, none of the four of us has been sleeping well at all this week. It's hard to tell why or who's starting it, but Matt and I have both been tossing and turning all night and the cats (who finally spent the night in the BATHROOM last night as a result, thank you very much) have been yowling and thundering around and fighting, despite our best efforts to maintain a reasonable diet and exercise regime, wind down before bed, and be in bed between 10 and 10:30 at night--all the things they call good "sleep hygiene." It's kind of frustrating. This morning I should be working on my paper but instead I'm just fighting to keep my eyes open; plus, I have a dermatologist appointment at 10:30 and then an assignment to attend a civil proceeding and write a 1-page summary of it. Some vacation! And it's almost over.

Otherwise, there's not that much going on these days. We narrowly missed seeing Garrison Keillor the other night-- he was at GW promoting his new book and we didn't realize until too late that we could get in for $15 (thank you, student discount) instead of the $30 which we considered to be just a little bit too steep. Oh, well...we're putting him at the top of the list with the Counting Crows now. Kind of a bummer, though, because he's one of the few people in the world I think I'd actually line up and pay to see. But we've still got Bill Bryson yet this month, and we're looking forward to seeing Sam Bush on the cheap when he comes to GW in November. Plus a coworker of Matt's has invited us to a surprisingly affordable afternoon of live music on a sailboat this weekend. And in a week my sister will be here! So I suppose you shouldn't feel too sorry for us just yet.

Other than that, I worked at the hospital all day yesterday, which is always sort of a grounding experience. Law school makes me more and more appreciative of going somewhere that I know at least some of the answers, and it helps me keep my perspective on "real life," real people, and their problems, as opposed to what's just book learnin'. Regarding the books, though, I did have a surprisingly fruitful session with the Writing Center afterward regarding my next assignment, which I'm hoping to do better on than I did on the last one (not that I'd exactly have to knock it out of the park to outdo a C+, but hey.) Tuesday I had my first law school test--a torts midterm--and, while I won't know how I actually did until Thanksgiving, I feel like it went pretty well. Here's hoping.

I still struggle with the seeming rigidity and and overall dryness of the first-year curriculum, and the urge to get back to grass roots and go to midwifery school or something instead--really get my hands dirty, both figuratively and literally--but I'm hoping to get involved with something this summer that will help me bring together all of my seeming disparate interests. The passion is there; the question is where to aim it. I'm trying to focus a little by getting more more involved with the Health Law Society and planning to work toward a graduate certificate in the same, which if anything I think will help tie things together for me AND my potential employers. There are a number of great organizations around, but in particular the Indian Health Service seems to present some interesting challenges dealing with obstetrics as well as sexual assault services, which would be right up my alley.

It's also intriguing to think that maybe someday we might end up in someplace like Alaska or the Southwest or somewhere else that goes deeper to the heart of our hippie longings than, you know, Washington, DC. Obviously this is all in the very, very speculative stage, but I like to feel like our options are still pretty open at this point. I'm still grappling with my relationship with this place, and I think Matt is too; although I think he's finding meaning in his work, and that takes some of the onus off of the location itself. I think our roles were reversed back in Iowa City, when I was working and he was in school, and I'm sure at least some of my nostalgic feelings about that place have to do with feeling like I was a working grown-up with some direction ahead of me.

At the bottom of all this, I think, is the question of whether I can have the kind of hands-on experience I find so exciting and gratifying in nursing, but have some measure of authority and power to move things in a forward direction. There are days I wonder whether I jumped ship on nursing too soon; if the answer is yes, do I go back and pursue the avenues, like sexual assault nurse examiner and nurse-midwife, that compel me now that I feel more solid in my nursing skills than I once did--or would I be just repeating the same mistake if I ditched law to go back into healthcare? It's hard to know which matters more--the actual field I'm in, or just sticking with SOMETHING long enough to build up some influence. All issues for thought within the next few years.

On a related note, I've been reading the book Nursing Against the Odds, which I received when I joined the union in Iowa (which was an awesomely motivating experience!) but never actually had time to read as a nurse. You know it's sad when statistics about the poor relationships between nurses and doctors make you feel all nostalgic for the good old days... But on the plus side, union work was one of the few things that made me feel like I might actually have the ability to strike the balance articulated above. In the union I had contact with veteran nurses who had the power to make hospital administrators piss their pants and hand over the money, and it was a beautiful thing.

But anyway...I've promised myself I'll stick it out for at least a year before I make any big decisions. And of course, I'll keep you posted.